Don't forget some of the 2000 nominees: Shocking Fall 2000 Darwin Awards Confirmed True by Darwin (1 January 2000, Nevada) 26-year-old Tod made a place for himself in history by being the first person to die celebrating the millennium. Minutes before midnight, the Stanford graduate climbed to the top of a street light in front of the Paris Las Vegas Hotel and waved to the enthusiastic revellers below. At midnight he slipped and, in an effort to break his fall, grabbed the wires that were supplying the electricity to the street light. Suddenly he was conducting more than a cheering crowd. A camera caught his foolhardy climb and subsequent headfirst plunge to the concrete below. It has not yet been determined whether he died from electrocution or from the 30-foot fall, but either way, he deserves the first Darwin Award of the new millennium! Footnote: Tod was a Stanford graduate working at a Silicon Valley startup scheduled to go public in the summer. He stood to make a substantial profit with his options, until they were voided by his untimely death. Clearly, a sterling academic pedigree is no indication of common sense. Before leaving to Vegas, one friend said, "People are going to be doing crazy things. Be careful." Tod replied, "You know I won't." Friends pondering his death said, "He thought he was invincible." "He used to climb the Golden Gate Bridge." "He would never do something stupid." Polar Bear Swim 2000 Darwin Awards Confirmed True by Darwin (1 January 2000, Canada) Believe it or not, there are people who dive into the ocean for a refreshing swim every New Year's Day. It's called a Polar Bear swim, and it's just a crazy ritual to most of us. Anyone who has seen the film Titanic, or read a book about Eskimos, knows that icy water brings on rapid hypothermia and death. But our hero Adrian, studying for his doctorate in Forestry, was not one to heed such trivial concerns. This 38-year-old man was enjoying a hockey game with friends on Kingsmere Lake when he attempted a Polar Bear swim between holes cut two meters apart on the lake. He dove in at 1:30 AM and failed to resurface. It is common knowledge that it is nearly impossible to find a small hole in the ice once you've slid beneath the surface. Particularly when you are suffering from the effects of hypothermia: low blood pressure, confusion, and weakness. Frantic friends jumped in but were unable to find him. They aimed car headlights at the hole to help Adrian find his way back, but to no avail. "The water was only waist deep," said the man's brother. "He must have gotten disoriented." Adrian's frigid body was recovered Saturday by firefighters, not far from the ice hole that tempted him to his doom. A Fell Death 2000 Darwin Awards Confirmed True by Darwin (22 February 2000, New York) A man clearing timber from his lot in Chestnuthill Township failed to notice that the tree he was working on had others leaning against it. When the weight of its neighbors pushed the tree over in the expected direction, the erstwhile lunberjack ran for his life, but slipped in the icy snow and fell directly in the path of the looming trunk, which landed on him with the expected result. Gun Safety Training 2000 Darwin Awards Confirmed True by Darwin (28 February 2000, Texas) A Houston man earned a succinct lesson in gun safety when he played Russian Roulette with a .45-caliber semiautomatic pistol on Monday. 19-year-old Rashaad was visiting friends when he announced his intention to play the deadly game. He apparently did not realize that a semiautomatic pistol, unlike a revolver, automatically inserts a cartridge into the firing chamber when the gun is cocked. His chance of winning a round of Russian Roulette was zero, as he quickly discovered. Rappin' on Heaven's Door 2000 Darwin Awards Darwin Award: (28 February 2000, London, Ohio) Some artists bleed for their creative work, but usually not literally. That standard changed on Monday, when a gangster-rap video artist put his final effort into his project, and shot himself in the head while the cameras rolled. 24-year-old Robert created the 10-minute video at his apartment with his brother Michael and a friend named Fred. On camera, Robert reached for a .22-caliber handgun, swung the muzzle of the gun to his temple, and fired the gun. The two co-producers hindered effort to save the injured man. Police were summoned to the scene by complaints from a neighbor who objected to the loud music and violent shouting. But when they arrived, Michael had to be restrained from preventing police from controlling the scene, and Fred struck a paramedic. Both face misdemeanor charges. Robert was 24 when he died in a coma at the Ohio State University Medical Center. Forklift Safety Video 2000 Darwin Awards Confirmed True by Darwin (11 March 2000, Perth, Australia) It just stands to reason, one should follow safe practices while filming a safety video. But Peter, the 52-year-old owner of a machinery and equipment training school, violated that rule of common sense while filming a forklift safety demonstration. With the cameras rolling, he was thrown from the cabin of his forklift and crushed. Subsequent investigation revealed the culprits responsible for the fatality: driver error and high speed over varied terrain, coupled with an unused seat belt. His final safety demonstration was the most convincing of his career. Circular Reasoning 2000 Darwin Awards Confirmed True by Darwin (1998, London) A ?200,000 fine was levied against a construction firm for the deaths of two workers. The two 28-year-old men, reportedly experienced in their work, fell 100 feet after drilling a hole through thick concrete without realizing they were standing in the center of the circle. Neither was wearing a safety harness to arrest his 8-story plunge. Jumping Jack Cash 2000 Darwin Awards Unconfirmed by Darwin (March 2000) The Grand Canyon in Arizona is cordoned off by a fence around the more treacherous overlooks, to prevent unsteady sightseers from tottering into the depths. Some of these overlooks have small towering plateaus a short distance from the fence. Tourists toss coins onto the plateaus, like dry wishing wells. Quite a few coins pile up on the surfaces, while others fall to the valley floor far below. One entrepreneur climbed over the fence with a bag, and leapt to one of the precarious, coin-covered perches. He filled the bag with booty, then tried to leap back to the fence with the coins. But the heavy bag arrested his jump, and several tourist were treated to a view of his plunge to the bottom of the Grand Canyon. He did not survived to harvest the piles of coins that had suffered his same fate. Splitting Headache 2000 Urban Legend This story is notable for its use of the words "hammer" and "masturbation" in the same sentence. Read on at your own risk. (March 2000, Australia) A man in his early thirties died in the hospital today after being discovered in his downtown antique restoration workshop suffering from severe groin injuries. He was barely conscious after an apparent accident when paramedics rushed him to Freemantle Royal Infirmary where he died of his injuries. Cub reporter Angeline MacKenzie discovered that the man, Bruce Coltrane, had been found by his wife after she heard cries of agony coming from the workshop. It was a hot day, with the temperature soaring well into the 40's C, and Coltrane was enjoying an ice-cold Coca Cola. MacKenzie believes that the man became aroused by the heat and boredom, and started to masturbate. During his masturbation session, he decided to enjoy a bit of self-piercing by hammering thin nails into his foreskin. He apparently slipped and missed the nail, hitting the glans of his penis with the 2 pound hammer and splitting it wide open. In shock from the pain and the sight of his mangled organ, he reached for the Coke and poured the cooling liquid on to his bleeding member whilst staggering towards the phone. What happened next defies belief. Coltrane's pain was so extreme that he passed out and fell to the floor. He woke several hours later to discover to his horror that not only his penis but also his scrotum and testicles were completely missing. The investigation revealed that the blood and sugary drink had attracted rats which proceeded to feast on the unconscious man's exposed genitalia, even delving into the soft flesh of his intestines, only stopping when he regained consciousness and began to move. Bleeding profusely he cried for help, but it was too late for Coltrane. He died in the hospital from shock and loss of blood. and one that didn't die: Hot Apple Pie 2000 Urban Legend (March 2000, Idaho) A teenager who imitated a scene from the hit movie "American Pie" was severely burned when he tried to shag a hot apple pie. Dwight Emburger, 17, was rushed to the hospital with serious burns to his penis. He apparently could not quell his desire until the tasty pastry had cooled, and his reward was a penis badly scarred and scalded by the hot filling. A hospital spokesperson in Boise said, "This demonstrates that producers should consider the effects their films have on the idiot gene pool." Rick Suntag Principal Technical Staff Member AT&T Room C4C34 400 Interpace Parkway Parsippany, NJ 07054-1113 voice: 973.331.4806 fax: 973.334.7502 / 973.331.4635 email: rick@att.com -----Original Message----- From: Ellenberg, Jennifer (CAP, CAS) [mailto:Jennifer.Ellenberg@gecas.com] Sent: Thursday, March 23, 2000 11:59 PM To: Andrea; Anup; Bob; Bonnie; Brian; Caroline; Chris & Jerry; Dave Rimple; Debbie; Ed; Elyse, Bob & Alana; Eric; Ilyse; Irene; Kristen; Larry; Linda; Suntag, Richard J (Rick), ALNTK; Sandy; Steve Eno; Tom&Teri Subject: 1999 Darwin Awards I truly look forward to these each year... > > > The 1999 Darwin Awards > > The true high point of the year has arrived. Yes, it is the 1999 > > Darwin Awards. For those sheltered few of you who are not fully > > aware of the Darwin Awards; these awards are given annually (and > > posthumously) to those individuals who did the most for the human > > gene pool by removing themselves from it. > > > > GRAVITY KILLS > > A 22-year-old Reston, Va., man was found dead after he tried to use > > luggage straps (the stretchy little ropes with hooks on each end) to > > bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle, police said. Fairfax > > County, Va., police said Eric A. Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a > > bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, > > anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, > > jumped... and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police > > spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car > > was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had assembled was > > greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground," > > Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "major > > trauma." An autopsy was scheduled for later in the week. > > > > LAUNCHED ON THE FOURTH OF JULY > > Three young men in Oklahoma were enjoying the upcoming Fourth of > > July holiday and apparently wanted to test fire some fireworks. > > Their only real problem was that their launch pad and seating > > arrangements were atop a several-hundred-thousand-gallon fuel > > distillation storage tank. Oddly enough, some fumes were ignited, > > producing a fireball seen for miles. They were launched several > > hundred feet into the air and were found dead 250 yards from their > > respective seats. > > > > DON'T ASK GOD TO PROVE HIMSELF, HE JUST MIGHT > > A lawyer and two buddies were fishing on Caddo Lake in Texas when a > > lightning storm hit the lake. Most of the other boats immediately > > headed for the shore, but not our friend the lawyer. Alone on the > > rear of his aluminum bass boat with his buddies, this individual > > stood up, spread his arms wide (crucifixion style) and shouted: > > "HERE I AM LORD, LET ME HAVE IT!" Needless to say, God delivered. > > The other two passengers on the boat survived the lightning strike > > with minor burns. > > > > CATCH! > > A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. "Big deal" you may > > say, but there's a twist here that makes him a candidate. It seems > > he and a friend were playing catch with a rattlesnake. You can guess > > what happened from here. The friend (a future Darwin Awards > > candidate) was hospitalized. > > > > GIMME A LIGHT! > > In a west Texas town, employees in a medium-sized warehouse noticed > > the smell of gas. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, > > extinguishing all potential sources of ignition-lights, power, etc. > > After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas > > company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they > > had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of > > the lights worked. Witnesses later described the vision of one of > > the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object > > that resembled a lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, > > the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three > > miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter > > was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician that was > > suspected of causing the explosion had never been thought of as > > "bright" by his peers. > > > > THEY SAY THOSE THINGS WILL KILL YOU > > Not much was given to me on this unlucky fellow, but he qualifies > > nonetheless. You see, there was a gentleman from South Korea who was > > killed by his cell phone... more or less. He was doing the usual > > walking and talking when he walked into a tree and managed to > > somehow break his neck. Keep that in mind the next time you decide > > to drive and dial at the same time. > > > > AND THE 1999 DARWIN AWARD WINNER IS...THOMPSON, MANITOBA, CANADA > > Telephone relay company night watchman Edward Baker, 31, was killed > > early Christmas morning by excessive microwave radiation exposure. > > He was apparently attempting to keep warm next to a > > telecommunications feed. Baker had been suspended on a safety > > violation once last year, according to Northern Manitoba Signal > > Relay spokesperson Tanya Cooke. She noted that Baker's earlier > > infraction was for defeating a safety shutoff switch and entering a > > restricted maintenance catwalk in order to stand in front of the > > microwave dish. He had told coworkers that it was the only way he > > could stay warm during his twelve-hour shift at the station, where > > winter temperatures often dip to forty below zero Fahrenheit (which > > also is forty below zero Celsius). Microwaves can heat water > > molecules within human tissue in the same way that they heat food in > > microwave ovens. For his Christmas shift, Baker reportedly brought a > > twelve pack of beer and a plastic lawn chair, which he positioned > > directly in line with the strongest microwave beam. Baker had not > > been told about a tenfold boost in microwave power planned that > > night to handle the anticipated increase in holiday long-distance > > calling traffic. Baker's body was discovered by the daytime > > watchman, John Burns, who was greeted by an odor he mistook for a > > Christmas roast he thought Baker must have prepared as a surprise. > > Burns also reported to NMSR company officials that Baker's > > unfinished beers had exploded. > > > > HONORABLE MENTION (He did not succeed in dying, but made a strong > > effort) A Vermont native, Ronald Demuth, found himself in a > > difficult position yesterday. While touring the Eagle's Rock African > > Safari (a zoo) with a group of thespians from St. Petersburg, > > Russia, Mr. Demuth went overboard to show them one of America's many > > marvels. He demonstrated the effectiveness of Crazy Glue... the hard > > way. Apparently, Mr. Demuth wanted to demonstrate just how good the > > adhesive was, so he put about 3 ounces of the adhesive in the palms > > of his hands, and jokingly placed them on the buttocks of a passing > > rhino. The rhino, a resident of the zoo for the thirteen years, was > > not startled initially, as it has been part of the petting exhibit > > since its arrival as a baby. However, once it became aware of its > > being involuntarily stuck to Mr. Demuth, it began to panic and ran > > around the petting area wildly making Mr. Demuth an unintended > > passenger. "Sally [the rhino] hasn't been feeling well lately. She > > had been very constipated. We had just given her a laxative and some > > depressants to relax her bowels, when Mr.Demuth played his juvenile > > prank," said James Douglass, caretaker. During Sally's tirade two > > fences were destroyed, a shed wall was gored, and a number of small > > animals escaped. Also, during the stampede, three pygmy goats and > > one duck were stomped to death. As for Demuth, it took a team of > > medics and zoo caretakers to remove his hands from her buttocks. > > First, the animal had to be captured and calmed down. However, > > during this process the laxatives began to take hold and Mr. Demuth > > was repeatedly showered with over 30 gallons of rhino diarrhea. "It > > was tricky. We had to calm her down, while at the same time shield > > our faces from being pelted with rhino dung. I guess you could say > > that Mr. Demuth was into it up to his neck. Once she was under > > control, we had three people with shovels working to keep an air > > passage open for Mr. Demuth. We were able to tranquilize her and > > apply a solvent to remove his hands from her rear," said Douglass. I > > don't think he'll be playing with Crazy Glue for a while." > > Meanwhile, the Russians, while obviously amused, also were impressed > > with the power of the adhesive. "I'm going to buy some for my > > children, but of course they can't take it to the zoo," commented > > Vladimir Zolnikov, leader of the troupe. > > > > ADDENDUM -- (Not herself a Darwin Award candidate, but of note in > > our list of stupid and morbid events) > > > > CLEANER POLISHES OFF PATIENTS > > "For several months, our nurses have been baffled to find a patient > > dead in the same bed every Friday morning" a spokeswoman for the > > Pelonomi Hospital (Free State, South Africa) told reporters. "There > > was no apparent cause for any of the deaths, and extensive checks on > > the air conditioning system, and a search for possible bacterial > > infection, failed to reveal any clues." "However, further inquiries > > have now revealed the cause of these deaths... It seems that every > > Friday morning a cleaning lady would enter the ward, remove the plug > > that powered the patient's life support system, plug her floor > > polisher into the vacant socket, then go about her business." "When > > she had finished her chores, she would plug the life support machine > > back in and leave, unaware that the patient was now dead. She could > > not, after all, hear the screams and eventual death rattle over the > > whirring of her polisher..." "We are sorry, and have sent a strong > > letter to the cleaner in question. Further, the Free State Health > > and Welfare Department is arranging for an electrician to fit an > > extra socket so there should be no repetition of this incident. The > > inquiry is now closed." (Interview taken from theCape Times > > newspaper). > > > ------- End of forwarded message ------- > Visit Our Website at http://www.gecas.com Visit Our Website at http://www.gecas.com